Hello my darling. Today marks 12 years since we fell in love. Time is so swift. I still feel like we are 16 holding hands for the first time. It has been many years, many miles, many tears, many smiles. I could not imagine my life any other way. Our relationship has never been an easy one. And even though at times I can feel defeated at just how hard it sometimes is, I remember that no great romance was ever easy. England. Australia. California. Kenya. We left a bit of our hearts and soul in each of these places. There are certain moments that rest in my mind daily. Moments that I hold onto in the darkness, moments that never cease to take my breath away. So this letter is a bit of a walk down memory lane. You are everything beautiful in my life. You are my moon and stars, my galaxy of ever after. You challenge me, encourage me, and stand by me when everything falls. Thank you for loving every fault. Thank you for listening to me scream and cry. Thank you for loving me anyway.
1. Our walk around Liverpool at Midnight. Our Clock Tower. This is the moment that I truly knew. I loved you beyond all comprehension.
2. Snow fall and short shorts. Putting snowballs in the freezer and throwing them out the window in the middle of summer.
3. Conversations. More than I can count. But one in particular when I asked you if me wanting to adopt was a deal breaker for you. And you responding with I love you and any child who finds us we will love them with everything we have.
4. Australia. All of it. Every weekend adventure. Every late night. Every new road. Every time I missed home and you tried to make it ok. Thunderstorms. Puppy loving. Koala holding. And you proposing to me on our deck with me in a Texas shirt and a face mask reading a book.
5. Mammoth with friends. When I am in the mountains I feel like my true self. And I love the way you recognize that and try to bring me to them every chance you get.
6. Kenya. The second moment in all these years that I looked at you and saw you for the first time. The moment I realized that being your girl, was the best decision I ever made. When you did not even blink an eye when I wanted to cancel the wedding and go to Kenya. When you made it happen. When you held that darling little bundle of love, looked at me and said lets adopt. Lets adopt all the kids who need us. Watching your soul become exposed, watching your heart grow, experiencing something so magical together. There are no words to truly express the love I felt in that moment. But it is one I hold close to me every moment of everyday.
7. Little things. Watching you brush your teeth in the morning, listening to the maddening clicking of the mouse and keys when you play your games, the smell of your skin, the color of your eyes when the sun is setting, the touch of your hand when we are doing errands. .These irreplaceable simplistic moments that we will never get back once they happen. I would spend 1 million years doing nothing with you if I could just get a glimpse every evening of the green in your eyes.
8. This project. Going through the hundreds of letters & emails we have written each other over the years. Crying when I read the ones where we were broken up or fighting. Smiling over the ones where we get back together or tell each other our deepest desires and dreams. Telling our story is so therapeutic and it feels so right. It gives me hope that love has the capability to win. Even when we struggle, even when we are apart, even when I want to throw a cast iron pan at your head. Love still wins.
I could go on for hours and hours and hours. But I wont. I will end this by saying that the past 12 years with you have been more than I could have ever dreamed. This year has been so emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially draining. And yet I wake up and your chest is moving up and down, your heart is beating strong and I know that is all I could ever hope for. You are my heart and soul. Thank you for these years. And thank you for the years to come. I am confident leaping into the unknown with your hand around mine. Love you dear heart. To Pluto and beyond.