Freedom. Love. Passion. The pursuit of beauty. Intention. Forgiveness. Laughter. Adventure. Patience. Freedom.
I long to feel painfully alive. To believe in miracles. To feel an innate calm in the heat of chaos. This past year brought challenges I was unsure how to navigate. I spent more than one day in doubt, in fear, in grief that felt endless. We all have years like this. Life is in continuous motion, a never ending cycle of ebb and flow, highs and lows, beginnings and ends. Within the fear and pain I found courage I never knew existed within my being. A quiet determination to overcome, to find myself in each strange new occurrence. I did not always see it when it was happening. I am an emotional being, caught up in moments, caught up in feeling that sometimes feels as though it will consume me. I have learned to love this part of myself, for it allows me to connect with people and animals in a very special way. Sensitivity is not easy, but it can be incredibly magical. I am filled with gratitude for where I am in this very moment. For the person I have become, for the person I will be. I am grateful for the ability to write this reflection, to process what has happened, to cry and remember the loss and then gently let it go.
2016. I have so much faith in you. I have so much faith in myself, and the people I love. I have decided that my aspirations for this year are to live freely, with more passion than ever, with more love, more laughter, more understanding, more empathy, more child like joy. To dance anytime I want, wherever I may be. To go through each day as if I was riding a musical note, connected to another creating a breathtaking composition that will be heard throughout the centuries. To allow loss to touch my soul. Allow it to leave an open wound, and then once it is truly felt, believe that in time I will heal, and I will survive. Life will never be without pain, it will never be without darkness. To live only in the light is not reality. And who would want it to be? What would we learn? How would we grow? There is an eternal beauty within hurt.
You know when your eyes look into another's? And for a moment you are transfixed, your spirit comes alive and you feel as though you have found another little part of yourself? I want more moments like that. I want to embrace connection. To discover truth. To scream at the moon in exhilaration for this endless adventure.
I also want to sit in silence with only the sound of my own heartbeat. To feel loneliness and then discover the friendship I have with my own being. I want to tell myself stories of endurance and sweet surrender.
More than anything I want to allow myself to blossom and allow myself to express myself without fear, to stand up for what I believe. To defend causes, people & animals that need my voice . We are not promised anything but this very moment in time. When I exhale I want it to be an exhale of gratitude, and if I am gifted one more inhale, I will inhale only pure love.
I will crumble this year. I will have moments of complete despair. I will struggle. I will shed tears. I will experience transition, fear, doubt. That is inevitable. But this year, I will know within the depth of myself that I will be overcome. That I have the power to forge on even if it means adjusting the sails over and over again. I will and I will continue on whatever path lies before me.
Thank you for taking this journey with me, for reading the inner workings of my mind, for cooking and creating with me, for supporting my love for organic fair trade goods, for believing in a better tomorrow. Every one of you is a ray of light and I encourage you to let it shine as bright as possible this year and every year forward!
Happy New Year! xo